OMG, today (now yesterday - my battery died before I could finish!) was seriously a day from hell - it was so terrible that it's actually just bizarrely funny - although really not funny.
Got up and had breakfast at the YHA - all good; no worries at all.
Few hassles with the lock up - we have to keep changing room here - but all good really; no worries at all.
Then, Ji and I decided to leave and head to Orange.... And so it all started. Our plan was to go to Orange, have a look, see the theatre (which we did eventually, it's absolutely fantastic!), go to the Pont du Gard, have a look, then up to Uzes before returning to Nimes.
Life was sweet - the sat-nav got us a bit lost getting out of Nimes, but we go there eventually. One the autoroute (that's important), a pay one - heading happily towards Orange.
We then get to the toll booth at Orange. No probs. Drive up. There's a truck immediately to the left of us, it had to back out of it's lane as it was too tall. Next to that was a police car - The Gendarmaire de Autoroute - ok, that's the gendarmes - you know, the national police force - the big guys.
We pay, go through and the gendarmes pull us over - still in the exist space of the autoroute. Huh we go.
We get out. They get out. Two gendarmes. They realise we're tourists. That's cool. They were nice.
Oh, but did we know that the two front tires on the car were bald, that it was dangerous and that we could not drive it anymore? Oh, yes, you know - that blue piece of paper - an Immbolisation Notice. They also gave us a ticket. Oh, but they said it was Europcar's problem - could we give them the contract. Did we have the contract - no; it was back at the hostel. So, they say to ring Europcar. Do I have credit on my phone - nope. Can I go get credit - nope. Can we drive the car - nope.
Fuck.
So Ji gets her phone (my global roaming phone was back at the hostel). She rings the Europcar helpline.
Guess what the guy says - oh, can the car still drive? Yes. So then just drive off.
He didn't quite explain what we were supposed to say to the two Gendarmes who were standing there. I guess we could've just said - please don't shoot us, but you've said we can't drive but Europcar said we could so we're just taking off.
Ji asked the Europcar guy on the helpline if he could talk to the Gendarmes.
The Europcar guy did the only sensible thing (not really - I'm being sarcastic) - he hung up on Ji.
So there we are, stopped, two gendarmes, a rental car we can't drive, can't get hold of Nimes Europcar, I have no phone credit and Europcar's advice is to just drive away and then they hang up on us.
Like hello? Hello? Hello?
So Ji rings back Europcar helpline - what else could we do?
Yes - Ji got her german cellphone and rang Europcar back again. This time she got a different guy who, as welll as saying just drive away, at least agreed to talk to one of the gendarmes.
They had a chat (on Ji's cellphone) and then the gendarme said to us that we had to get hold of Nimes Europcar, get the contract number (it's still not clear why either of the Europcar guys on the phone could not simply look up the contract number in their computer!), get hold of Orange Europcar and they would swap the car for one which we could drive.
The gendarmes then left - although who knows if they were sitting around the corner to see if we also drove off. We didn't - although we did drive the 10 metres to the parking space which they said we could.
So, there we are in Orange. No car. Can't get hold of Nimes and not actually sure we were. So we walk into town. Find the tourist office. Get a map. Get directions to SFR shop (the cellphone shop from where I got my prepay sim). Walk to the SFR shop. It's closed. It's lunch time. Get lunch (horse burger - stronger than beef - not sure I like it!!). Back to the SFR shop. Can I buy a top-up. Nope, their machine isn't working. Great. The guy says that we can get it from a tabac around the corner (that was the limit of the directions). Find the tabac. Buy a top up. Ring Nimes Europcar. Ring Nimes Europcar. Ring Nimes Europcar - I think I rang 6 or 7 times during the day without getting someone.
Did I leave messages? Yes. Were they in French. Yes. Were they in English. Yes. Is the woman who works there english? Yes. Did I leave my telephone number? Yes. Did anyone ever ring back? Don't be silly - of course not.
So Ji and I decide that what else can we do but go find the Orange Europcar. So off we walk again. Along the walk I keep trying the Nimes Europcar and, wow, eventually, the phone is answered.
I explain what's happened. The woman is suitably appalled. She says that's terrible. She says to go to the Orange Europcar. They'll change the car. No, she doesn't need to ring them. No, she doesn't need us to ring her back. We did at least get the contract number out of her.
So, we arrive at Orange Europcar. We explain the situation. The guy there says that well, unless he has a car in reserve he can't give us another one.
What? And we're supposed to do what then?
He then misunderstands my bad french (yes, he spoke good english). He thinks the car is looked up in the Gendarmes garage. So he says the only sensible thing (remember that sarcasm thing) - oh, there is nothing he can do. If the car is locked up and can't be driven, how can he drive it from there.
What? Again. And we're supposed to do what then?
Yes, Europcar gives us a dangerous car. The cops say the car cannot be driven. Europcar say they can't do anything.
Like we're supposed to do what - oh, maybe just leave the car parked in the parking spot until it rusts and joins the great cosmos?
So, I get out my cellphone, I ring the woman in Nimes and ask her to talk to the guy in Orange to sort it out.
On my cellphone, of course.
By this stage, Ji and I are seriously off in lala land wondering what the hell is going on.
Whatever Europcar Nimes said to Europcar Orange, Europcar Orange say that they will swap the car - but the car they give us hasn't been cleaned, they're sorry about that.
Not sorry that they weren't going to do anything. Not sorry that nobody at Europcar wanted to get on the phone and sort things. Not sorry that they'd given us a car that the France Gendarmarie has said couldn't be driven on the road. Not sorry that the advice from Europcar car was to just drive away. But sorry that the replacement car wasn't clean.
So they drive us back to the car, get us to drive the car back to the Europcar depot and then bring out the other car.
The Orange Europcar guy didn't want any of the police paper work. We went back to the police (as they said to) - interestingly, they'd been watching the two gendarmes that morning stop us and knew all about the tourists and the tires. But they didn't want the blue piece of paper either. They said to take it to the Orange Europcar.
We gave up.
We left.
We just drove away (oh, well, walked away - you couldn't drive to the Gendarme office (you'd be back on the autoroute) so we had to walk - they said we could but needed to just be careful - walking along the entry to an autoroute.....
Ji and I then went to the Roman Theatre in Orange - fantastic!
Drove back to Nimes.
Did we get stopped by the cops again? Maybe the Municipal Police?
What do you think?
Yes, of course we did. Just as we left the autoroute at Nimes - flashing blue lights. Three cops. Identity cards. They were checking out the car. The contract (we got another copy in Orange). The tickets.
It transpires that all they were interested in is that Ji was driving with the lights on highbeam.
By this stage is really was tooooooo much.
We've decided that we're going to return the car today.
I'm going to make an official complaint.
I'm going to say that we don't want to pay for the car at all.
I'm contemplating complaining to the Gendarmie d'autoroute about Europcar's advice that we should just drive off. Maybe Europcar needs to be investigated by the police if that's their advice.
Who knows what will happen. Except that we will no longer have a Europcar car.
And my suggestion to you if you read this is really really simple - NEVER EVER EVER hire a car from Europcar. Full stop.
Lol!
Well, it's nearly 9.50am, time to go do something (like get rid of this headache I've still got).
:)
Yah though - Anthony and Nico from Marseille are coming up to Avignon on Sunday to say hi!
We have accommodation booked in Avignon.
I have my health.
I have gorgeous friends.
I ate cake yesterday.
It's sunny, and cool, and beautiful.
I have the most star nephews!
Can one ask for any more really?
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